SIGNS ON SYNAGOGUE BULLETIN BOARDS:

1. Under same management for over 5769 years.

2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?

4 . Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

5. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

6. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami sandwich on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

7. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked."Yes or no," she replied .

8. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living."

9. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter.

10. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."

11. And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"